It's Everyday with John and Jay
We're the unapologetically raw comedy podcast that’s not afraid to push boundaries. Packed with outrageous skits, off-the-cuff banter, and original songs, John and Jay bring their no-holds-barred humor to everyday topics, wild hypotheticals, and everything in between. Whether you’re here for belly laughs or pure chaos, this is the ultimate shoot-the-shit show for anyone who loves their comedy a little rough around the edges
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It's Everyday with John and Jay
Episode 188: Premature Ejaculation Polka and other Tomfooleries!
Ever wondered what happens when you mix football analysis, wedding DJ nightmares, and AI-generated music about premature ejaculation? We didn't either until this episode happened.
Football season has arrived, and we're breaking down Ohio State's commanding 70-0 victory alongside Michigan's unexpected struggles. From fantasy football matchups that have us sweating to college marching band appreciation, we cover the gridiron from all angles – including why we believe Ohio State has some serious depth with bench players who could start elsewhere.
The conversation takes a hilarious turn when we share recent wedding DJ experiences, including the universal frustration of entitled guests who decide rules don't apply to them. Picture this: you're carefully releasing tables for dinner, and suddenly three tables just decide they're more important than everyone else. The passive-aggressive announcements that followed? Pure gold. These stories highlight a broader theme of self-entitlement we've encountered across service industries, from golf courses to catering halls.
The highlight of our episode comes when we experiment with AI-generated music about premature ejaculation across different genres. From metalcore to polka to bluegrass, each musical style tackles the awkward subject matter with surprising authenticity. "Too Soon, My Balloon" – the polka masterpiece – had us literally in tears with lyrics that sound like they belong in a twisted Steamboat Willie cartoon. The bluegrass version with its fiddle race metaphors might be the most creative way anyone's ever addressed bedroom timing issues.
We wrap things up with our thoughts on Mudvayne's new track "Hurt People, Hurt People," celebrating that after 15 years, they still deliver their signature sound while evolving for modern listeners.
Want more unfiltered conversations where nothing is off-limits? Subscribe now and join our growing community of listeners who appreciate raw humor and unexpected tangents. What embarrassing topic should AI tackle next? Let us know in the comments!
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'Beavis and Butt-head' Cover art created by Joe Crawford
It's everyday with John and Jay. Comedy Skits, random bullshit, tim and Jerry, it's not your day, it's not my day. This is our day and it's my day. This is our day and it's every day with John and Jay. You like racy shit, you like problems going on, you like sexual misconduct? You're in the right fucking place. Listen up, you fucking freaks. It is time to get the show on the road. We're ready to hit this episode of it's Every Day with Jon and Ajay. Let's rock. No, I'm just kidding. How's everybody doing? This is episode 188 of our amazing it's Every Day with John and Jay podcast show that we've been doing Again, we keep on saying for almost two years, because it's almost been two years, it's been a while it's been a while since we've done this podcast show.
Speaker 2:See, we should have done that one. See there's another spoof right there. Show, see, we should have done that one. See there's another spoof right there. But yeah, they uh welcome everybody. Uh, we are back to our regular scheduled programming. Last week we had a uh a little bit busy week. Busy week last week was labor day, weekend and a lot of shit going on and I had to dj three fucking.
Speaker 2:That's crazy man three gigs last weekend yeah, so, uh, we had a special best of and that was a lot of fun it was awesome.
Speaker 1:That was a lot of fun to put together. I don't get to tell you that you did a good job, but you did. It was a I don't.
Speaker 2:Those are short episodes but I I actually really enjoy putting those together, so I hope everybody liked it so. I loved it Sweet. I'm glad one person did.
Speaker 1:That's all that matters. One person, just one person, enjoyed that.
Speaker 2:We are. This is football season has commenced. Nfl season has commenced. Today is Sunday. As of this recording, it's Sunday Tomorrow. You'll hear this on Monday. I give up, but uh, the nfl has started and that means, uh, more dissatisfaction. If you're a browns fan, yeah, dude, missed a fucking field goal to put the browns ahead, and that was all she wrote well, I lost 51 to 60 denver.
Speaker 1:Well, you make that a game, though, yeah denver. Well, he's still got one player.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's still got a guy left he's got and what? Yeah, we're talking about minnesota vikings defense and with that said, we also have fantasy football going on, uh which is the only football to worry about it really is. Uh, I should have two dubs, so I'm happy with that, uh yeah, dude, you're tied right now with two people yet to play yeah, I got justin jefferson and there's no chance, dude like I'm sorry, unless what are the odds? Of both of those guys putting up goose eggs if they get injured.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty much about the only way it'll happen.
Speaker 2:It could happen, you never know.
Speaker 1:It can happen. It can happen. This rocks God. Joe got fucking smashed so far, yeah, but he's still got Josh Allen, derrick Henry, which Lamar Jackson is going to take his fucking run in. So Derrick Henry ain't going to have shit and Ravens defense he. Out of all those, he needs 29 points to tie I mean hood scoops. You never know josh allen's nasty dude, if he, if he, plays like he did last year I I remember I was down like 50 points.
Speaker 2:One year I was down like 50 points and drew breeze. Got like 40 points.
Speaker 1:That a game I know, I think I might uh, I don't know if I had him.
Speaker 2:I think I had him, that same year and I was like one of the first comebacks I've ever had in my entire career. It was awesome because I was down like 65 to like 20, something right, that's just like wow, I lost. And then all of a sudden like Well, also Witta has James Cook.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, and Mark.
Speaker 2:Andrews, that does muddy the waters a bit. That's probably a probably not a good good comeback scenario there, your dad's winning by two points.
Speaker 1:But brother has lamar jackson as well. Okay, which? And then he's also got buffalo bill's defense okay and he's winning by two points against your dad's f-rated team. Your dad was hilarious, dude. Those things, those things are bullshit.
Speaker 2:I got a nap. Those ratings are bullshit.
Speaker 1:Dude, just the way he said it. I was like dude, are you joking with me? He's like I got a nap, I got a rock. I'm like are you serious? I'm sitting here thinking he's joking with me and he's like no, he's like I got a nap.
Speaker 2:College football world, ohio State rolled 70 to nothing. 70 to nothing, 70 to nothing, and the offense, the floodgates were let go. Uh, it was good practice for our boys, that's good. You know what, though, even though it's Grambling State, I mean it's good to see that they didn't have any sort of like hiccups, because usually when you have a big win like that, there's usually tendencies to kind of sleepwalk through your next opponent, especially somebody like Grambling State. But dude, they had the pedal to the metal, the whole fucking game.
Speaker 1:Did you see Ohio State Marching Band. Thank Grambling State Marching Band for coming in and doing a great show.
Speaker 2:I love their unis. It was a cool Grambling State cave. Their marching band is awesome, so that was sweet to see.
Speaker 1:And they're no joke. Their unis are so cool looking, their marching awesome, so that was sweet and they're. They're no joke, their unis are so cool looking, they're marching band unis. I like their colors, yeah, like grambling states. That yellow orange stripe across their shoulder pads. I thought it was pretty cool.
Speaker 2:I don't like the fact that they use the g, like georgia, but whatever yeah, I thought it was more like green bay, but that maybe it is like and then also on another note, the team up north lost it was funny seeing uh, your twice underwood, yeah, your 20 million dollar quarterback getting into skirmishes with the with your uh running backs because they had a little tiff on the sidelines.
Speaker 2:But uh, he, he looked. He did not look good. You could chalk it up maybe the the game plan was bad. But listen, you're not going to win many games by just checking it down to doing wide receiver screens every play listen, michigan, that's not gonna work.
Speaker 1:I feel you, as a browns fan, with deshaun watson, we feel you did. We waste a lot of money. Yes, we, we did.
Speaker 2:I mean yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say nothing because actually, like Matt Molliet brought to my attention the other day, is that Bryce Underwood being the number one, like fucking quarterback, like you know, was expected. He has brought talent, like. He's brought some people with him. Like you know, people are wanting to play with him, so I don't know how much anymore until he figures his shit in the world of nil and transfer transfer protocols.
Speaker 2:I never, nothing is a sure fucking thing like that. This dude could be good, like he could have a disastrous year this year and he could be gone next year, unless I mean, that's a very real possibility. You just never know it. You just never known this day and age with the way how to transfer I love seeing sharon moore not get his fucking win.
Speaker 1:You piece of shit.
Speaker 2:It's fuck you, sharon it's it's, you know, it's the their. Their team culture is even more like listen, I hate michigan, but I just hate him even more. I can go suck oh god, I hate dave porto so much is that his name, dave?
Speaker 1:yeah, I call him everything else.
Speaker 2:But, dude, I hate that guy. So, dude, he's like that frat guy. He's like one of those like high school frat guys or whatever that think they know ball but they really don't know shit and they've never played competitive football in their life. And this motherfucker went on fox, big dude, and he's just like bryce underwood is the best freshman ever. Like no, he ate. No, you really listen, I. I get it like he's supposed to be the Pat McAfee of that broadcast. Just the guy who just likes to spurt off loud, obnoxious shit, say hot takes and get everybody all riled up online and get engagement. That's his role, that's his job. I get it, but he's not good at it because he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Pat McAfee at least played football, at least he understands football. He's played it at a high level, even though he was a punter, sure, but at least he's played it and he understands it. What's, what's? What's dave portnoy ever done?
Speaker 1:oh, there he is.
Speaker 2:There's dave portnoy bitching besides like he reviews pizzas, like, oh, I mean, dude's a piece of shit. It really is. Even if you, even if he had didn't have ties to michigan, I'd still would like him. I think he's a fucking loud mouth asshole. Did he go to michigan? What the fuck he did? He went to michigan. Oh, but he's also patriots fan. So how can you take this guy seriously?
Speaker 1:you know he's a front-running fucking dickhead oh, so he went with like oh well, you know fucking.
Speaker 2:Uh, I think he's from the boston area to be fair, tom brady I think he's from the boston area.
Speaker 2:That's why he likes boston sports. So I guess like, which makes me hate him even more, because I hate boston people, because they're all obnoxious too. So they're like New Yorkers, but like dumber, if that makes sense. But Ohio State ruled, that's good to see. The defense looked incredible, I tell you. Even in their backups they got some fucking studs on their bench. It was just like okay, some of these guys, they were hungry Dude. Look at Bo. Did you see that Bo Jackson kid?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:That Ohio State has.
Speaker 3:I was like Bo Jackson yeah.
Speaker 1:When they said Bo Jackson's first, whatever, and I'm like Bo Jackson, yeah, what?
Speaker 2:It's no relation to the actual Bo Jackson. Bo is just a nickname.
Speaker 3:I think it's Bo's, just a nickname.
Speaker 2:I think his real name is like Percy or some shit like that. I go with Bo too. I don't know I forget what his real name is, but it's Clancy or some shit. But that kid had like 108 yards man, so like Ohio State's got some fucking studs in the stable man.
Speaker 1:So play next week.
Speaker 2:Ohio.
Speaker 1:Oh, like Ohio Bobcats.
Speaker 2:I think it's a 730 game. It's going to be tough.
Speaker 1:It's stomp by Ohio. Yeah, okay, dude, if we do, you're going to be so pissed at me.
Speaker 2:Ohio State hasn't lost to an in-state opponent since like 1925 or some shit like that. So it's probably not likely so it's been over 100 years since ohio state's lost to an in-state opponent, and I don't think it's ever going to change anytime soon.
Speaker 3:But you never know ohio state versus the terror tech titans the terror tech titans.
Speaker 2:They used to be called the thunder when I went there what's the terror?
Speaker 1:yeah?
Speaker 2:terror thunder.
Speaker 1:I like the Titans better.
Speaker 2:Titans sounds bad. Titans does sound cool, See.
Speaker 1:Cleveland should have done that. Cleveland Titans actually doesn't sound terrible, but of course you got the Tennessee Titans.
Speaker 2:Right, you talking about like for the Indians. Yeah, the Guardians, oh yeah, just go back to Indians.
Speaker 3:It's just a lot easier that way.
Speaker 2:The Cleveland Fitzgeralds the Cleveland. Fitzgeralds the Cleveland Clevelanders.
Speaker 1:The Cleveland Steamers.
Speaker 2:You know back in the day like way in the turn of the century Cleveland Steamers.
Speaker 1:It's a great name actually. I like it.
Speaker 2:Where did I see that? Like there was actual boiler up, huh, boiler up. You have to do that in cleveland too. Oh my god for the steamers.
Speaker 2:That'd be cool if they put dry ice all over the field to start with, like as an entrance, like fucking steam yeah like turn of the century, baseball teams used to like name their teams after players, like nicknames after players, and then they, when they leave, they just make another, make up another nickname for the team based off a player they had. So, like the cleveland were like they're called the naps because they had a player named Nap LaJoy and so he left the team and they didn't know what to do with the team name. So they had to like go do a newspaper thing and Indians was chosen. I think that's what they chose, the Indians. But it's like that's just what they did. It's like, yeah, well, what do we call ourselves? Let's just call ourselves the fucking Clancy's. I don't know who cares, we're only getting paid $60 a fucking day. Who cares? We have to barnstorm dirty offseason because Major League Baseball didn't pay very well in 1902.
Speaker 1:We're going to be the Cleveland Dirty Deeds Done Dirt. Cheap. The Dirty Deeds Done Dirt.
Speaker 2:Cheap Cleveland. That's a mouthful.
Speaker 1:Like they're fucking Dirty Deeders. It's like the whole fucking shirt.
Speaker 2:It goes around up like this, like a fucking half crescent. So, the Dirty Deeders have won again two to one. The Dirty Deets done dirt cheapers your mom, cleveland, your mom. Cleveland mothers.
Speaker 3:Cleveland, mommy milkers dude, I don't know, you go all day with that I could and I probably will later.
Speaker 2:So anything else cool that you did this weekend.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I DJed a wedding last night. All my DJs did Full slate Tilly's the owner of Tilly's was at the wedding I was doing at the Chandelier last night. Okay, the owner of Tilly's was at the wedding I was doing at the Chandelier last night. Okay, and I guess he's friends with the guy that hired me for the wedding last night. The father of the bride lived two houses down when I lived on Sycamore Street.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, yeah, so he was really. He's just a really good dude, but I guess he's really good friends with Tom, the guy that owns Tilly's. And the guy that owns Tilly's comes up and goes, hey. I said, hey, what's up, man, I didn't know who he was at first. He goes, you know who I am? I was like, I do, I don't think so. He's like, yeah, you're DJ's out at my place right now DJing.
Speaker 1:Because Bill was over at Tilly's. I said, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, tilly's. Okay, what's up, man, I'm not a huge like the guy's a nice guy but I'm not a huge fan of his because I've had a few problems with the guy in the past and I'm just not a huge fan. You know, I don't knock on tilly's. Till, he's a beautiful venue, it's nice, it's out in the country you can be as loud and as ignorant as you want, whatever. It's a nice venue, but it's just, it's tainted for me just because of that guy and the kind of the two bad run-ins I had with him. But he got to see what a real DJ does last night. I just want to say that, yeah, All, dude, it was awesome. Had a dance floor packed, had fucking lights everywhere. Dude, it was ridiculous. It couldn't have gone any better, it was just crazy good. And the bride and groom were so fucking happy. Um, dave and kanda, which are the bride's parents, they were fucking stoked and happy.
Speaker 1:The food, mexican food, and tom and them made mexican like burritos and tacos and shit that's different dude, they had nachos with either queso or nacho cheese and salsa Dude. It was amazing, that sounds really good.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, and they did buffet style, which was awesome. Good, oh, listen to this. Okay, if you hire a DJ and I'm going to put this out there For anybody out there, just kind of give you a feeling, because I've been doing this for fucking 15 years if you hire a dj and you want them to release tables I'm going to speak from my personal interest. I hate it. I fucking hate it. I ain't doing it. I think it's uh, it sucks. People don't listen to us. It blows last night. Okay, listen to this shit too. Okay, so what the? And I love how people are doing it now.
Speaker 1:So the bride and groom was or. We're sitting in a chair on the dance floor and I'm supposed to go around to release each table, to go take a picture with them and then go to the dinner. They go to dinner after that. It's how the release tables. It's awesome, it was really well and with the buffet style, things were going very smooth. So I'm going around and releasing tables, blah, blah, blah, release and release, and release, and release and release. All of a sudden, I tell one table. I'm like hey, I just want to let you guys know you're on deck. The other table's up there right now and I look to my right and a whole three tables is moving my way walking and I said what's going on? I said I didn't. I don't think I released you guys yet. Did I release you? Nope, and he kept walking like he owned the fucking place. I'm pissed.
Speaker 1:I'm like I didn't fucking release you Do you guys not know how to listen, so I can't really do a whole lot Like I can't be like hey, go ahead, enjoy your food, you fucking make it. It's your day, you know. Make it about you guys. You know I can't say anything. Snippy, I have to be professional yeah and you know.
Speaker 1:So the only thing I can do is get on the mic. And this is what I said on the mic. After everybody was dismissed and the bride and groom were totally cool with that I said, hey, everybody. I said, uh, hopefully everybody's uh gotten a picture with the bride and groom and his release for dinner. If you haven't gotten a picture with the bride and groom, here's the last call going ahead and head up there and go ahead and get a picture. I would like to also say thank you to most of you for your patience.
Speaker 2:That passive aggressiveness, I love it yes.
Speaker 1:And I'm not kidding, I thought nobody heard it and I was in the bathroom and I was waiting on a dude to get done pissing. There's only two stalls there's the one and there's the back stall Right and it's full house.
Speaker 1:I'm just standing there like meat gazing, yeah. So I was checking out the meat display in the bathroom, so I'm sitting there and I'm like standing there and the guy goes. So when you said that, what did you mean by that? I said, oh, and I had to think was this guy at one of those tables? I didn. Didn't want to piss him off.
Speaker 3:I was like I don't want to be fighting some dude in the bathroom.
Speaker 1:I got to pee first, bro, so anyway, I'm like oh, I found out the dude was at a table. I'm released like first. He's one of the first ones. I said well, there was a whole group of three tables that decided on their own volition to go in and go up, to go in and go up, even though there's plenty of food. It's fomo, it's a fear. It is the biggest fear of missing out you'll ever see, ever.
Speaker 1:If you're at a wedding and you're like come on, dismiss me, it's my table, all you're gonna do is go up and stand in fucking line. Yeah, it makes no sense, but I totally understand, because as a dj, I'll stand up there and I'll be in a hurry to go up and join the line too, because I'm like me. I worry about people going up for seconds because I go last. So I'm worried about people jumping up and just taking the rest of the food. You know. So I get it, but you're not going to run out of food. They plan for you to be there, right, but I don't know how much. They plan for a second. So I try to beat everybody else. So I'll play in a God of Davida so I can go through the line, but anyway, um, fucking phenomenal food.
Speaker 1:But I told the dude that he goes. Yeah, I kind of figured. That's why you were saying that and I'm like, yeah, I, yeah, I said I hate that. That bothers me, it's just, it's it's, it's discourteous and it shows lack of manners and discipline in the fact that you can't wait your fucking fat ass turn to go up to get food. You are you obvious? I should have said this when they walked by. I'd be like you are obviously more important than all these other people. Go on ahead, you go.
Speaker 3:How dare I not?
Speaker 1:dismiss your table burst. I tell you what. Mr Sir, let me know the next wedding you're going to be at and if I'm DJing it, you can go before the bride and groom, because you are king, and you are the best.
Speaker 1:I fucking hate people like that Self-entitled shit like I love working at the golf course, I love golf, I love what I do and I love working at the golf course. You still working there every once in a great while okay, not very much, um, but I love working there when I do. But I am telling you one thing I've never seen self-entitlement until I started working, I could not believe it From golfers. Oh, it is bad man, it members. Okay, so there's three different spots. You can grab carts or carts apart. There's the return, where we want people to take fucking carts from. It's right by a light pole and it says fucking cart return. There's some on the curb and there's some on the other curb. Okay, take a cart from the return.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, where's that? At Light pole? It's right out, straight out, straight out. You'll come down after a couple minutes and you'll see carts missing from the other side. They took keys out of the return carts and went over and grabbed one from the fucking side that they weren't supposed to grab. The reason why we don't do that is because we fill the ones from the cart return. So we alternate them, yeah, and we fill the carts. If you're taking those, you're not guaranteed to make it back to the clubhouse without dying, so don't take the fucking carts, listen. They're like well, we want a windshield. Really, you need a windshield, you need one. It's a sunny, goddamn day out there. You need a windshield On a golf cart that goes maybe three to four miles an hour. Are you fucking kidding me here? You know like I don't get it, dude. This is like a fucking jay's rant, special dude, that's okay, I'm here for it.
Speaker 2:Oh my god go for it man, this is, this is good shit oh man dude so I want the windshield one oh my god and then I was just about to ask what does it matter? I guess you answered my question.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I guess it blocks you from bugs and shit. If it's raining, a windshield helps a lot. Yeah right, it's a bright, sunny.
Speaker 2:They all don't have that kind of windshield thing. No, some of them don't have windshields at all.
Speaker 1:Me, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 2:To me it don't matter to me.
Speaker 1:I don't need a goddamn. You don't like the wind rustling through your fucking.
Speaker 3:Karen style goddamn hair bitch.
Speaker 2:Oh, speaking of.
Speaker 3:Karen, did you see that the Phillies, yeah, that Phillies clip the Phillies, karen.
Speaker 2:The Phillies dude Fuck that bitch man.
Speaker 1:All she did was ask for it, and the guy didn't have to give it to her. He should have just socked her one. That's what a philly fan.
Speaker 2:I mean, she did put his hand. She did put his hands on him, though, so I mean did you hear she got fired, did she?
Speaker 1:really yeah, they said a bunch of fucking her, a bunch of students, because she was a, she was a administrator or something at a fucking school in new jersey, something like that and they fucking. I guess a bunch of kids saw the post and fucking span like center fucking threats and a bunch of shit or crazy stuff and I guess she got fired from her job. I don't know, that's what I was reading.
Speaker 2:You gotta believe everything on facebook because it's true yeah, I mean, I don't know, does she deserve to get fired? Probably not, but like, does she deserve to get, like, accosted by the entire internet? Yeah, because it's like you know that dad handler actually caught it fuck that kid?
Speaker 3:yeah, fuck the kids. Fuck those kids, dude, by the way.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, speaking of which, I'm scared we're gonna pull up a very depraved shit here in a second. Steve and I were golfing on Thursday. We listen to fucked up shit sometimes, okay, okay. Oh man, guess what I played while we were gone. It was the hardest time. But, dude, I hit my drives. Beautiful, my drives were straight. With that, cobra, I finally got it down. Okay, guess what band we played while we were I don't have any idea.
Speaker 3:Kids of whitney high. Oh my god, the fucking retard. What? Okay, so what?
Speaker 1:I need you to do is pull up kids of whitney high. My car or something, my first car, dude, I'm not kidding, get ready. This is the best. Kids are winning high as a down syndrome, like all inclusive mentally handicapped band. What's it called? It's like my car or my car or something, I don't know. New car, new car? Yep? Oh my God, they got a music video. This is great, yep. This is great, yep. This is it. I was pissing when this came on and I was pissing all over the place.
Speaker 1:The music is awesome. You can tell it's kind of old. Look at him with their helmets cleaning his truck. I got a new car.
Speaker 6:Bright and shiny like a star. I got a new car in my garage. I shine in every day, shine the front, shine the back, the side.
Speaker 3:And the bumper, and the bumper.
Speaker 1:Boy the Cosby's really went downhill.
Speaker 3:Ha, ha ha ha, I wash.
Speaker 6:the motor's really went downhill. Ha ha, ha ha.
Speaker 1:How old is this song? This has fucking got to be old. It's like 70s, 80s. How long was the kids of Whitney High around? This was the late 80s. Look at the color. Look at the color changing on the fucking Right. This is made with a real VHS Right.
Speaker 3:I want to read the comments. Yes, I heard they might be touring with Cannibal Corpse this fall.
Speaker 1:If you've ever seen the movie the Ringer, this is the band that's in the Ringer which is the kids of Whitney Hall.
Speaker 2:These guys helped break ground for the Today's Bubble rappers.
Speaker 3:That's an ace comet right there. Oh, it's boys in the hood, dude. Oh yeah, dude it should have hydraulics and shit. Boys in the helmet.
Speaker 6:Boys in the windows. If you get in an accident, tell the police officer that you got your license. Tell the police officer that you're on good insurance. Keep insurance, don't crash. There's that new seat covered in blue in the sky. I look out the window and I wave bye, bye.
Speaker 2:I have a new car in my garage. I can't believe these dudes are Dude. Look at their logo, oh fuck.
Speaker 1:That's genius dude. That's funny, like the handy, like handicap symbol scratch, scratch my cd, you know oh, I can't remember the fucking song I played last night, dude, I was showing, um, so guess what my daughter's into? I didn't even tell you guess what music my daughter likes? K-pop? No, she likes that, but she, dude, she likes two life crew. What, I'm not kidding, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah, because she likes that, um, I got bitches song. I couldn't believe it, dude. I was like what really? What really?
Speaker 2:Well, with that being said, we got to take a break, and we shall be right back after this.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, can you take me higher. Yeah, yeah, Can you take me higher? Girl Girl.
Speaker 7:Ah Ah, saw her today at the reception.
Speaker 1:But I forgot my contraception. I raw dogged her in her pussy. She sucked on my white, creamy juicy. You can't always get what you want Using your cunt. You can't always get what you want with your cunt. You can't always get what you want. But if you pay a dime you just might find a big bag of weed. Oh yeah, Pass that doge, Give it to me, boy. I went down to bone 50 chickies. I gave them J's two-inch little dickies. They said come on and lick my dirt button. I gave them.
Speaker 3:Jay's two-inch little dickies.
Speaker 1:They said come on and lick my dirt button. Lick my dirt button.
Speaker 4:I said damn, that tastes just like a piece of mutton.
Speaker 1:Can't always touch on your cunt, let me touch it. You can't always get what you want. Maybe you can't always get what you want, but if you cry, sometimes you just might find come on, baby, and get on your knees.
Speaker 6:Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh man, go on and tickle them berries, baby. Go on and box them balls with your tongue, like Sugar Ray Leonard.
Speaker 6:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, whoa, Whoa Wow.
Speaker 1:You can go in there and stick a finger in there if you want to. I will not be upset. Very progressive, throw some spit up there, you get what you need. Tongue punch my fart box. Yeah, tongue punch my fart box. Yeah, saw her today at the reception. I know I was gonna make her pregnant. She looked like she could take a lot of dingle. I made her pussy stink and it tingles. She looked like she could take a lot of dingle. I made her pussy stink and it tingles. Yeah, you tell them. Can't always get what you want. Unless you touch my penis. You can't always get what you want. Just go in and grab it and scuttle the balls. You can't always get what you want. Yeah, your mouth is cool, but if you try sometimes, give me some time, go on ahead and find that big bag of fucking weed. Let's get high and fuck bitch.
Speaker 6:Yeah, weed, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm progressive. Listen, just because we didn't know each other two seconds ago doesn't mean we're strangers. Right, let's get acquainted so I can stick my wiener on that tank bitch. You know what I'm saying. By the way, I can tell by your butthole you're not a virgin. How, I don't know. You can't always get what you want, unless you want to touch it. You can't always get what you want, point ahead. You can go ahead and touch it.
Speaker 6:You can't always get what you want, right ahead.
Speaker 1:You can go ahead and touch it. You can't always get what you want. Right there it is. I just unzipped my zipper. You can't always get what you want. My pants are at half mast. That's okay. It's supposed to look like that.
Speaker 6:That's normal.
Speaker 1:Those sores look all way, you don't gotta worry about that. I use topical creams.
Speaker 5:Yo what's up?
Speaker 6:Welcome back to the best freaking podcast. It's Everyday with John and Jay baby.
Speaker 1:Listen, you don't keep listening. I'm coming over to your house and licking your wife's asshole sticking my tongue up on your dirt button. You got that, motherfucker now check it out it's every day.
Speaker 2:With johnny j, we are back back in action. Thank you for being here. We were discussing, uh, the kids of whitney high before this yes, but I got something a little bit more fun.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like fun, and this is different. We're not. It's not going to be metal, at least not right off the bat. It is farruko f-a-r-r-u-k and the song is called P-E-P-A-S, f-a-r-r-u-k-o and then P-E-P-A-S. I got a new car in my garage. This I played last night.
Speaker 2:Have you heard this before? I have not.
Speaker 6:Slow down, slow down, oh okay.
Speaker 1:This has got a bad. I love this song, dude.
Speaker 6:A little Latin swear.
Speaker 1:This is what our fucking mariachi song should sound like.
Speaker 3:I showed Sarah that and she's like what the fuck.
Speaker 1:Call Eisen, come and get us Departed right now?
Speaker 3:Oh, I like that. Yeah, wait till it comes in. Dude it's pretty good.
Speaker 1:This was jamming last night with my lights going fucking no, is that the wall that they were building?
Speaker 3:They're having a Coachella out there, bro, coachella where the walls being built.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fucking hilarious you know, if I was a mexican artist, you know what I would do? I would dress people as ice agents and pretend like they're gonna arrest me, and then they start dancing with me oh yeah, that's what I would do.
Speaker 3:That's funny. I love that build up dude.
Speaker 7:I love that build up dude.
Speaker 3:Quesadilla 99 cents or maybe five pesos.
Speaker 2:I like that dude.
Speaker 1:Dude, that was pretty good, right, I love that. Yeah, not bad. Can we now listen to Amy Lee's Poppy's?
Speaker 2:new song. Have you heard this yet? Yes, I listened to it the other day. It's not bad. I liked it a lot. I did too.
Speaker 1:End of you yep.
Speaker 2:Amy Lee still got it, man.
Speaker 7:Amy Lee's so hot I would fuck every goddamn one of these chicks dude.
Speaker 2:They all had their own little like. Thing.
Speaker 1:It was pretty good. I didn't know Courtney was from fucking Spearbox. Yeah, because I thought Poppy was from Spearbox. Yeah, because I thought Poppy was from Spiritbox. No.
Speaker 6:No.
Speaker 1:Is.
Speaker 3:Poppy, just solo. Yeah, she's like solo. I saw her at Sonic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's awesome. She used to do weird, she used to do like really weird viral videos back in the day that she transitioned to like metal.
Speaker 1:She looks the same as when she fucking sang.
Speaker 3:I know right.
Speaker 7:Before. I always had to know Crystalline castles turn to dust In the palm of your hand. But I'm wide awake this time, burning down to find Nothing inside, can you?
Speaker 3:feel it taking over. I'm still creeping in. I'm back at the edge again. When every lie was cut, this sounds like an Evanescence song. It does.
Speaker 2:If you would have told me this is Evanescence, featuring Poppy Courtney LaPlea, I'd be like, yeah, this sounds like an Evan Essence song.
Speaker 1:Bring me to life. I love it when Courtney LaPlante comes in, dude yeah.
Speaker 3:She was at Russell O' a Bear once too the later half of that band. I was watching one of their old videos. I Wrestle a Bear once, yeah, like with the glasses. Yeah, yeah she was awesome.
Speaker 1:Do a death metal song about premature ejaculation Dude that'd be hilarious.
Speaker 3:Like I said, dude, I've got really good. That sounds like a pseudo.
Speaker 1:I've got two really good metal video ideas.
Speaker 2:I told you one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one's where a nun, a lady dressed as a nun, just goes around sinning Pretty much, going to bars, going to the titty bar, yeah, just going around sinning. And my other one the other one would be really controversial and it would be a dude dressed like hitler. Okay, we're really starting off good on that one. Yeah, a dude dressed like hitler and he um, and he goes to auschwitz, but he feels sorry for what he did like bad for what he did like. It just looks really sad and somber. You know like I really like the nut idea. Oh, the hitler one's out the window, huh, okay, I mean I.
Speaker 1:Whatever Fuck Hitler again.
Speaker 3:Yeah, fuck Hitler indeed.
Speaker 1:No, the nun one, that's my favorite one dude.
Speaker 2:Dude, the premature ejaculation dude. That sounds like a song that needs to be made in, maybe pseudo or something.
Speaker 3:That'd be awesome.
Speaker 1:No way. Okay, dude, we should really. Oh my god, man, are you pulling? Oh man, yes, yes are they. I wonder if they're gonna let us do it. Remember, they were like kind of.
Speaker 3:I don't know, we'll see dude?
Speaker 1:I hope so. Don't be a douche. Hell, you pay for it, Right? They're like nope, that's the wrong number.
Speaker 2:It's 911, dumbass. It's 911, dumbass. I didn't cancel it, did I? I don't remember if I did or not. Hmm, maybe I did cancel it, you might have. I mean, I think I canceled it but anyway that does sound.
Speaker 1:I do like that idea, though. Make a jazz song about watering my plants what make a house song about quitting your job.
Speaker 6:Fuck this place.
Speaker 1:Oh, there it is.
Speaker 2:I just make it a new account. It should give you a couple free songs.
Speaker 1:How much was it a month?
Speaker 2:10 or 11 bucks.
Speaker 1:Shit would be fun, dude. Oh, you have to verify. Use your phone to verify your code.
Speaker 6:Told you it was 911.
Speaker 1:Does it give you 50?
Speaker 2:credits for free. It's $10 a month. Yeah, it's $10 a month, but this is going to use an older version Because they have 4.5, which sounds pretty good. Anyway, let's try. I'm just going to try this one. I think it gives us a little bit of credits off the rip. There's no way it's going to.
Speaker 3:Let us do this.
Speaker 1:Dude, if it does, it's going to be the best. It's going to flag it right away. Oh please, oh please, oh. It says upgrade to fall song.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's just for the 4.5 version. Tide of Shame.
Speaker 3:Dude, that's the greatest name. Oh my God. Okay, guys, the premiere of Tide of Shame which is a metalcore song about premature ejaculation.
Speaker 4:Let's see if I can get the lyrics up here oh, here we go ticking clock.
Speaker 3:No second round on my time. No battle, kind of shame. It breaks too soon. A rising sun eclipses. My mood screams inside a hollow cry. Why must it burn? They quickly die. This is awesome. Okay, okay. Sounds like a fucking death clock. It does a little bit Too soon.
Speaker 6:A rising storm and it cooks my mood. Dreams inside A hollow cry Must it burn? Then quickly die. Second clock, no second route. Got my time. No battleground, tired sea. It breaks too soon. A rising sun that shuts my mood. Screams inside a hollow cry. When the ship burns, they quickly die. Shadow's lock setting the vibe right. A flea's walk to the bright night. He quickly died. Shadow's lock setting the vibe right. A flea's bark does not light. Night River's crash, but the flood won't stay. We're still in darkness. Let's wait.
Speaker 1:We've got Chires of Time Crawlmaster.
Speaker 6:Since the time Crawlmaster, they've run wild ever faster A flea ghost, a cruel test, cruel Master.
Speaker 1:Dude, that's fucking funny.
Speaker 3:That's hilarious.
Speaker 1:What's the other one, dude? They gave you two of them, didn't they?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, so I'll go back to the library.
Speaker 1:Oh, they only gave you one. They only gave us one. No, they gave us two. But maybe you're just only allowed to play the one. Oh, they only give you one. They only give us one. No, they gave us two.
Speaker 3:But maybe you're just only allowed to play the one. Oh no, this is a different one.
Speaker 6:This is a different one. I'm not sure if I can do it.
Speaker 3:That's kind of sick. I like it a. It made it Like it's so profound you gotta have a guitar solo.
Speaker 2:I want to hear the Raging clock. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Trembling hands, a ticking bomb Hearts, a wardrobe pounding, rock Racing seconds, no control, a thief of time it takes its toll. The fuse is lit, can't rewind't rewind. No mercy show, no peace of mind. Raging clocks they never wait a moment lost, a cruel fate. Tick, tick, gone. The fire burns. No return, no lessons learned. Pressure builds the table break, no escape from the storm. It makes the beast unleashed. No chance to tame. A fleeting curse of burning shame.
Speaker 6:I don't know what this is going to sound like Trembling ants, a ticking bomb, hearts of war, drum pounding rum Dude.
Speaker 1:I have an idea what if we try to have him make a polka song about it. Holy shit, shit, dude. A polka song about premature ejaculation. Oh my God, this is is gonna be awesome, dude. I'm so excited. I don't know if I've ever been this excited Too soon. My balloon.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, the tuba pumps a heavy tune, but my parade ends far too soon.
Speaker 3:A marching band without a plan to Sybil's crash on just one man. Too soon. My balloon, oh, why'd you fly so fast? Oh my god.
Speaker 5:The tuba pumps a hearty tune, but not for eight and far too soon. A marching band without a plan.
Speaker 1:The cymbals crash. It's like Steamboat Willie, shit yeah.
Speaker 5:Too soon, my balloon. Oh, why'd you fly so fast? The party's just beginning, but you couldn't last. Too soon, my balloon. All the race is done. The finish line appeared before the fun.
Speaker 3:The lyrics on this one were way better, so good.
Speaker 5:Barely made it through the door. The clock struck twelve and I was at three. An early bird who missed the spring Dude. All the music starts, the rhythm swells and the story tells too soon. My balloon, oh, why'd you fly so fast? The party's just beginning, but you couldn't last.
Speaker 1:Too soon. I said the clock was at 12, but I meant three Dude.
Speaker 3:that's so good. The finished line appeared before the fun.
Speaker 5:The brass keeps blowing, the beat won't quit, but I'm off the tempo. I must admit the solo act In the crowning hall. I must do quick. Then take the crowning hall. The brass keeps blowin', the beat won't quit, but I'm off the tempo, I must admit.
Speaker 3:Sounds like a Disney Village song.
Speaker 1:So I was singing a Steamboat Willie fucking song.
Speaker 5:Oh, why'd you fly so fast. The party's just beginning, but you couldn't last.
Speaker 1:I like this. Actually I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3:This is so good.
Speaker 5:Too soon. My balloon. All the race is done. The finish line appeared before the fun. The brass keeps blowing, the beat won't quit, but I'm off the tempo. I must admit. A solo act in a crowded hall. I rise too quick. Then take the fall Break. The fall break, the fall Break, the fall. The ruse is done. Oh my god.
Speaker 3:That was amazing.
Speaker 1:That was so good. The lyrics were fucking amazing. Dude, that was amazing.
Speaker 5:Let's go through this other one. That sounds way too AI, though, yeah let's check out the other two songs.
Speaker 3:Yeah let's check out the ones that are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's check out, like the ones that, like they're supposed to be their pro version of it oh my god, this is like weird al shit.
Speaker 3:Yes, polka, polka, pol, polka, polka polka.
Speaker 1:This is the Kenosha Kickers their new hit Too Soon my Balloon. I was ready to dance. My shoes were tied, a puppy popping. My heart opened wide.
Speaker 5:My Mitchell started fast and I tripped on the beat Outro Music. That's all it's going to give us.
Speaker 2:Oh, it just gives you an alphabet. It just gave us a little bit. It's just a preview. What's this last one?
Speaker 3:It sounds a mix between mariachi and folk.
Speaker 5:It has a little mariachi going on in it. On the beat my rhythm collapsed, swept off my feet. Oh too soon.
Speaker 2:my balloon popped before the that first one we listened to was really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like the not-po ones. That's so good, dude. What about a mariachi one?
Speaker 2:What about like a pop song?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, dude Like NSYNC boy band. Oh yeah, like a pop song. Oh yeah, dude like n-sync boy band.
Speaker 3:oh oh, oh yeah I wonder how many they're gonna give you.
Speaker 2:I, I think they I don't know ted maybe too soon, too fast they should have put it as too fast, too furious that would have been funny.
Speaker 7:Yeah, we started slow like a summer breeze. Your touch lit sparks running through my knees, but oh no.
Speaker 6:But oh, no, the clock betrayed my plans.
Speaker 7:Touch lit sparks from my knees betrayed my plans. A firework show with no second chance. Too soon, too fast. The moment didn't last. Like lightning in a bottle slipping through so fast. Too soon, too fast. The echoes of the past. Girl, I swear, next time I'll make it last. I've said more than words could say. I fumble love in a clumsy way, but every misstep, every stumble through Is just a rerun till I'm ready. One step forward, two steps quick. I'll learn the rhythm. I'll learn the trick. Too soon, too fast. The moment didn't last. Like lightning in a bottle slipping through so fast. Too soon, too fast. The echoes of the past. But, girl, I swear, next time I'll make it last. You last step.
Speaker 7:We started slow, like a summer breeze. You touched with sparks, brought me to my knees. But oh no, the clock betrayed my plans. A firework show with no second chance. Too soon, too fast. The moment didn't last. Like lightning in a bottle slipping through so fast, whoa, whoa. Too soon, too fast. The echoes of the past. But, girl, I swear, next time I'll make it last. You're lasting more than words could say oh man what about theirs?
Speaker 2:dude they're good ones, all these 4.5 yeah, let's see what we can do.
Speaker 7:It's like Maroon 5.
Speaker 1:Yeah it does.
Speaker 7:I thought I had time, but it slipped away, didn't mean to rush, didn't mean to crash.
Speaker 3:Oh no, too soon, too fast, that's good.
Speaker 2:Every moment felt. Everyone loves a Jet 2 Holiday Sounds like a country song. Everyone loves it. Jet to holiday country song. Heart's racing like a speeding train you can't slow it down, dude?
Speaker 1:that would be funny. What's that song?
Speaker 2:A country song about premature ejaculation? Yes.
Speaker 1:Old time country dude Tried to do like old Bluegrass.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:Dude. Yeah, bluegrass song dude.
Speaker 1:About premature ejaculation. Oh my god, this is going to be awesome Dude. The best one so far is the polka.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree. The polka ones are so good. Too quick for the dance. Too quick for the dance too quick for the dance oh my god dude.
Speaker 5:I stepped on the floor, boots barely in line. The fiddle was playing. Her hand brushed mine. The tune just started all night ahead, but my feet got tangled. My face turned red. I'm always rushing like a train off track, trying to keep up, but I can't pull back. Too quick for the dance, too fast for the song, try to keep rhythm, but I'm always wrong. Life's a slow waltz, but I'm caught in a sprint. Lord, give me patience. We're just a hint. The moon climbed high, casting silver beams. Her laughter lingered Like honey dreams. The moon climbed high, casting silver beams. Her laughter lingered like honey dreams. I held her close, but my heart raced ahead. The moment slipped by and regret was fed. I'm a firecracker with a short, short fuse, burning too bright, with everything to lose.
Speaker 1:Oh, too quick for the dance, too fast for the song.
Speaker 2:I actually don't mind it. I love this stuff, though, right.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, that's real hillbilly shit. I like bluegrass, though, Right.
Speaker 5:Right, the fireflies light up the holler, but I'm burning now too soon. Thought I'd hold on a little longer, but I fell for your tune. It's a fiddle race. I'm out of place. My bow breaks in the first go-round, too fast for the dance.
Speaker 3:Oh, dude, that's awesome, the harmonizing.
Speaker 6:I got harmonizing dude.
Speaker 5:I'm the punchline when it don't last long. You're the river running steady. I'm a flash flood. Rain, jesus, this is great.
Speaker 2:Damn. I wish I could listen to the whole thing.
Speaker 3:Oh, this is the second one.
Speaker 1:I like the banjos better in these dude.
Speaker 3:They're just so much more solid. Yeah, you can tell they've really improved their. Oh, they want you to buy it. They want you to buy it. Yeah, it's a whole play. Oh, I like this.
Speaker 1:Sounds like fucking Luke Bryan. It does. I'm the man of Consensaro. I'm sick of that too.
Speaker 5:I'm out of place. My bow breaks in the first go round. Too fast for the dance, Too quick for the song. I'm the punchline when you're the last long. You're the river running steady. I'm a flash flood rain. Too fast for the dance girl.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to explain damn, that's pretty good, that's really good, all right, I got one more song to listen to before we leave this shit. Okay, let's go back to youtuber, to goober. It is mud veins. New one hurt people, hurt people. I've heard this already. Have you heard the song? I did I have not listened to it.
Speaker 3:Oh, you've not listened to this.
Speaker 1:I have not. Dude, god damn it. My fucking mic went Flippity, floppity, doodoppity. I love Mudvayne.
Speaker 6:Dude, fuck, god damn these guys, just don't lose it the price of ignition, the price of suffering my own life stuck in it. So I'm back to the grave. My wounds, but it's inches, but still I'm free. The pain will haunt me. The sun will be at its base. We're still afraid. We're afraid. We're not space. We'll soon be out of place, destroy or create Fight effects from the dark. Even when you're to blame, we're top of the low. Blame people and people. Blame people and people. Blame people and people. Blame people and people. Blame people and people. I'm fucking sober, right. Bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people, bad people. I hope you're so far right. Violence, decisions, killing, ruined by a world I still look for me, insight, the sick of dying, why we struggle.
Speaker 3:My fight to the death Is that you, I love the chorus part Alright To the people that love me. You better know I won't forget To the people that love me Gonna break your fucking neck. Gonna break your fucking neck. Gonna break your fucking neck, break, break, break.
Speaker 1:Gonna break your fucking neck, Gonna break your fucking leg. Yeah, and people, and people, and people, and people and people Fucking good dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude, that chorus part is fucking amazing. It's so good. I can't believe it took him 15 years to get new mud vein. That's crazy to me dude.
Speaker 1:I'm just glad they're still running dude right, they were killing it dude when we went to see him. It was amazing.
Speaker 2:I'm just glad we're getting new mud vein in this day and age. That's all I'm excited about. I like how, if it sounded like mud vein but it was just a modern, they brought it kind of more to a modern sound, which there's nothing wrong with that per se. Did I want, like dig, bury me? I mean, we were so good, dig was amazing oh, we gotta go because we are way yeah, we need to go. Uh, the parting words.
Speaker 3:Thanks, thank you uh yeah, thanks to everybody who's been listening.
Speaker 2:Uh, remember white is right, black is whack and we're gonna strike just kidding, we're going to strike that from the record I'm just kidding. Seriously he's not.
Speaker 1:Uh seriously though I did hold on to my big mac a little tighter when seem, uh, some special fellas donald's last thing.
Speaker 2:I'm just I would hold on to my big mac too I'm just kidding dude. Uh, we appreciate everyone who's been listening. Again, there's really not much more to say at this point. We are the world.
Speaker 6:We are the children.
Speaker 3:We are the children, stevie.
Speaker 2:Wonder did it nice. So We'll see you guys next week. I'm John Brichter and I'm Jason Scherner. Peace out.