It's Everyday with John and Jay
We're the unapologetically raw comedy podcast that’s not afraid to push boundaries. Packed with outrageous skits, off-the-cuff banter, and original songs, John and Jay bring their no-holds-barred humor to everyday topics, wild hypotheticals, and everything in between. Whether you’re here for belly laughs or pure chaos, this is the ultimate shoot-the-shit show for anyone who loves their comedy a little rough around the edges
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It's Everyday with John and Jay
Episode 187: Best of Song Spoofs and Skits Volume 2
Ever wonder what happens when two idiots get trapped in Jigsaw's bathroom? The answer: they talk about shock collars until the world's most notorious trap-setter literally gives up. This special "Best Of" episode showcases the wildest musical parodies and character-driven comedy sketches from our extensive catalog.
Flying solo, John curates a collection of the show's most memorable moments, starting with musical parodies that transform familiar songs into hilariously crude alternatives. "God Wasted Time On You" flips NSYNC's romantic ballad into a scathing relationship anthem, while "Every Bro Watches Porn" reimagines Poison's classic rock hit with lyrics that will permanently alter how you hear the original. These musical earworms demonstrate our knack for combining musical talent with boundary-pushing comedy.
The compilation also features John's "decent Bill Cosby impression" in a parody of The Cranberries' "Zombie," alongside comedy commercial spoofs including a disturbing 1950s-style infomercial and a fictional fast food restaurant called "Lardy's." Each segment represents our unique approach to sketch comedy and character work.
The highlight comes when our recurring characters Tim and Jerry get kidnapped by Jigsaw, only to frustrate their captor with incessant chatter about shock collars and mom's spaghetti. This signature skit perfectly encapsulates our approach to subverting familiar scenarios through character-driven comedy.
As we approach our 200th episode milestone—rare in the podcasting world—we invite both longtime listeners and newcomers to experience this collection of our most outrageous comedy. Love it or hate it, let us know what you think through our website or Facebook page!
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'Beavis and Butt-head' Cover art created by Joe Crawford
It's every day with John and Jay. Comedy Skits, random bullshit, tim and Jerry, it's not your day, it's not my day. This is our day, and it's my day. This is our day, and it's every day with John and Jay. You like racy shit, you like problems going on. You like sexual misconduct? You're in the right fucking place. Listen up, you fucking freaks. It is time to get the show on the road. We're ready to hit this episode of it's every day with john and jay.
Speaker 2:Let's rock hey, what's up everybody? It's every day with john and jay with a special episode. We hope everybody had a great labor day weekend, uh, well, so this is gonna be a little bit of a different episode. Uh, we've done one of these already, but this will be another best of episode, that's right. The best of song, skits and whatever bullshit, tomfoolery that I decide to feature this week. A lot of it is some songs, some skits. You'll hear a Tim and Jerry skit Actually a really underrated one that I forgot about, and Halloween is kind of approaching, so you'll hear Tim and Jerry give Jigsaw some fits. You'll hear that later on in the show. The big news coming out of the weekend is Ohio State defeated Texas. That's right, good times all around there. But today we're not going to be talking about everyday bullshit. Today we're going to be going through another round of songs and skits and starting right off the rip, here is one of.
Speaker 2:We actually made a music video for and YouTube took a town. Uh, it was for it sinks. Uh, god must've spent a little more time on you. However, uh, jay spit on it is. God wasted some time on you, uh, and we made a music video for this and synced up and it was brilliant. Fortunately. I don't know if that I'll ever see the day light of day. Maybe it will, maybe you guys will see it, but for now, this, this was, you know, a classic. What a Jace Better ones I feel. So coming up here, you'll be here. God wasted time on you, spoof of it six.
Speaker 4:God must have spent a little more time on you. It's every day with john and jay.
Speaker 1:I'll be back can this be true? Tell me, can this be real, why I can feel all the hate that you feel. My life was complete. I thought I was old, but you make me wanna creep in a six foot hole. I never thought I could feel like this. You yell at me when I take a piss. How can it be? You're right here with me. You're the devil. What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1:Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep. I look at you and I want to strangle you in your sleep. When I look into your eyes, I know that it's true. God wasted a shit load of time on you. What a waste load of time on you. What a waste oh yes, he did.
Speaker 1:In all of creation, all things, great and small. I want to smash your head into the wall. You're precious than any diamond or pearl. I would just love to have a decent girl, and I'm trying hard to figure out living life without knocking your teeth out. The warmth of your hate makes me wanna run. Hey, go upstairs, don't touch my gun. Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep. You make me want to choke your ass before we go to sleep. When I look into your eyes, I know that it's true. God must have wasted a shitload of time on you, on you, on you, on you, on you, on you. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I never thought hate could feel like this. You yell at me when I take a piss. How can it be you yell at me when I take a piss? How can it be that you hate on me?
Speaker 4:You're the devil. You need to sleep. Your hate is like a river.
Speaker 1:Peaceful and deep and you need to Take the forever sleep. When I look into your eyes, I know that it's true. God wasted a lot of fucking Time on shitty Old you, you, old you you he wasted a lot of time on you welcome, welcome back.
Speaker 2:It's everyday with john and jay, special edition songs and spoofs that you love. Whether you fast forward through them or not, guess what, you get a whole fucking episode of it, so tough titties. So this next one coming up is one of those songs and I mentioned this, I think, in the last episode that I did. That was a special episode of songs and skits was uh, would you hear with Jay? Or when we do a spoof and Jay spoofs a song, sometimes the spoof that he creates kind of becomes synonymous with that song. So this one is uh, every bro watches porn which is a spoof of. Every rose has its thorn, and how would I hear that song? I find it to be synonymous with this song. So it's, it's, it's, it's a kind of an earworm, so to say. Uh, definitely gets in, gets into your brain and uh, penetrates your ear pussy for sure. So, coming up right now, every bro watches porn, which is in fact a fact.
Speaker 1:Coming up right now I try to be silently, still in the dead of the night, putting lotion and skill together makes me feel all right. Was it something they said or something they did that makes me shoot out white, though I tried not to spurt goo, though I tried. But I guess that's why I say every bro watches porn, spanking every night until the dawn, just like every porn star has a monster ass, don't? Every bro watches porn? Hell, yeah, we do.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Give me some of that lean of the plug getting fucked by Big Black dude. I turn up the volume on the fucking radio so my parents don't hear my game of quick jerk and blow. But I wonder, wonder, do they know that I watch movies with tits? I'm about to shoot my goo right now, so can someone get me a paper towel? I guess every bro watches porn. Shoot with all my might. Jim be gone Watching Ron Jeremy with his monster ass dog.
Speaker 1:Every bro watches porn, though it's been a while now. So pussy is on my brains. Watch her getting fucked in high heels Till a sticky white mess remains. Oh my gosh. I know I shouldn't have tugged that night, but hey, what can I say? Instead of making noise, I made a load of shame glaze. Oh, look, there's somebody new. Ruined her life at 22. And thoughts depress me inside. Ah, fuck it, let my juices ride. I guess every bro watches porn. Get my lotion nice and warm Better than whacking the weasel To the X-Men storm. Every bro watches porn? Yeah, we do. Oh, yeah, my sweet sticky porn.
Speaker 2:Hey, glad to see you're back. If you're still here, great. If you left already, well, go fuck yourself. No, I'm just kidding, I love y'all Guys. If you want to here, great. If you left already, well, go fuck yourself. No, I'm just kidding, I love y'all guys. If you want to check us out on facebook, check us out. It's every day with john and jay. Uh, if, if you're still here through this special episode of songs and skits, thank you, uh.
Speaker 2:Coming up is is something I have to. You know, jay is the is the brainchild of a lot of these songs and skits, but sometimes I have a shiny moment here and there. I like to think that I do a pretty decent Bill Cosby impression. So this song was inspired by the Cranberry Zombie, but we affectionately called it Cosby, and you'll hear here in a minute why. Although you get a good two minutes of me going ham as Bill Cosby, I think it's not a bad fucking impression. But I digress, you may not think so, and if you don't, well, that's your opinion, but I always, I always love doing Bill Cosby impressions and I came across this spoof and I'm like, oh, I have to, I have to show this one. So, without further ado. This is, uh, a spoof of the Cranberries' zombie called Cosby.
Speaker 4:It's Everyday with Jada J If she gives you a little fussy fuss just pour a little. Fussy fuss right over a little drink so you can leave.
Speaker 1:Another head hangs lowly. Pills are slowly taken, just try it, not on a diet. Your choice will be mistaken. But it's me, bill Cosby, respect of the 80s. In your bed, rest your head. Stop your fighting, try to stay really calm, really calm. Be no harm, rest your head in your bed. I'm not lying Ghost in your head. You're not dead. Cosby, cosby dead. Cosby, cosby, cosby. The clothes you shed Knowing dread Cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, cosby, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey hey
Speaker 1:hey, hey, hey, hey hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, another drink you're taking. Drugs are taking over. Just try it Soon. You're silent. Time to become naked. It's the same old theme. No chance of a scream In your bed. In your bed, no more fighting, no more pants or a blouse, no more bra, empty house. In your bed. In your bed, in your bed, your left crying goes to your head. You're not dead. Cosby, cosby, cosby, hey, hey, the clothes you shed unknowing dread. Cosby, cosby, bill Cosby, ay, ay yo.
Speaker 2:Oh yo, when they want to get her, you get her in the butt.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, oh. You get what, what to do, you'll see guitar solo.
Speaker 1:We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2:What a box for everybody.
Speaker 3:From your pal Bill God Mwah.
Speaker 4:Hey Cosby.
Speaker 2:So, thank you for coming back, thank you for being here today on a very special edition of it's every day with john and jay. We'll be back to our normal programming next week. Uh, we got caught caught in between things. Uh, jay's pretty busy right now and it's the holiday weekend, so I'm flying solo dolo tonight, uh, just giving you some of, uh, a second round of, some of my favorite songs and skits that we've done.
Speaker 2:And speaking of skits, uh, we've we like to do infomercials, like the old school infomercials that you know, that you would see, it's like the from the 50s. So, uh, um, we got one of those coming up and then we got kind of like a, a fast food commercial called lardy's and again, I like to do a fat dude impression, so you get to kind of hear that as well. But these next two back to back are some of our infomercials or commercials, because we like to do commercials. They're quick, they're fun, they're easy, uh, and we think they're hilarious. So, uh, coming up, you're gonna hear a cute little infomercial that you probably would have heard in the 1950s and a commercial for, uh, a little known fast food chain called lardy's. Uh, it's every day with john and jay, I'm John and I will still be here after you listen to this.
Speaker 1:All right, hello out there, everybody in TV land, this is your PSA announcement man, otis Dittmeier. In with another one of our great products from the same people that brought you Date Rape Kid for Dummies. I'm here with a special friend of mine. What's your name, sir?
Speaker 4:Hi, my name is George Hackenschmidt.
Speaker 1:Well, george, what seems to be the problem?
Speaker 4:Well, I tell you what I get home from work, from a long day, and my wife, she just won't stop nagging me.
Speaker 1:Gee willikers, it's so annoying how would you like for us to help you Solve that issue?
Speaker 4:Oh, I just would love that. Just some peace and quiet. It's my dream, well.
Speaker 1:Peachy Keen, we're going to get that rocking for you right now, so what I need you to do Is go ahead and grab that roll of duct tape I laid right in front of you.
Speaker 4:Okay, I see it there.
Speaker 1:Alright, what you're going to do is take that roll of duct tape, unroll a little bit and wrap it around your wife's stupid head.
Speaker 4:Will she get mad at me for doing that?
Speaker 1:possibly, but it's worth the risk.
Speaker 4:Okay, boy, I just got a headache, so I guess anything will work. Just stand still, honey. Okay, she's still talking, it didn't?
Speaker 1:work, All right. Well, that sucks man. Well, what we're going to do is we're going to unravel her head. Be careful you don't want to rip her. Weave out.
Speaker 4:Okay, she's pretty sore at me. Sir. You sure the next method's going to work? I'm pretty sure. I'm about 15% sure it's going to work.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure I'm about 15% sure it's going to work.
Speaker 4:I like the mouse. Let's do it All right. So what I want?
Speaker 1:you to do is go ahead and head on out to the kitchen. Get a couple of glasses of that delicious Chardonnay.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:And throw a couple of pills into her drink and watch her going ahead to La La Land bro.
Speaker 4:Okay, I just read something in the news. Some guy tried this before and he ended up arrested. So I don't know if I should do this or not. Okay, I'll do it. Forget it All. Right, here you go honey. Oh no, now she's talking even more. Now it's all incoherent. Oh, this is horrible. Oh, this is. Help me, sir, help me.
Speaker 1:Well, I got a for sure fire way of getting her to shudder, gabber, oh, please help me. Go on ahead and go out to your toolbox. Okay, get in the top drawer and grab that special hammer out.
Speaker 4:Okay, the trusty hammer.
Speaker 1:Yep, bring it on inside.
Speaker 4:All right, stand in front of your wife and go ahead and bop her right in the forehead. Oh oh, my Seems kind of violent, but I'll do anything at this point. It's worth it. Oh no, oh, that shut her up alright, but oh my god, there's blood everywhere.
Speaker 1:Well, come and see when Attorneys for Dummies get out of jail free.
Speaker 4:Oh my god.
Speaker 1:I think I killed her. Grab some towels you dumbass and go ahead and cover her on up. Hey everybody, welcome to Lardy's, the best burger joint you're ever going to go to. Remember, kids eat free on Wednesdays. Also, we want you to come in here and when you come in here, we want you to know that you're more than just a customer, you're family. Don't forget to pick up your Lardy's Special Racks bib up at the front counter, because nobody wants to slop up that striped polo you got on. Also, don't forget we have the best workers ever Smiling only when you're looking. We appreciate that. Thanks, tim, thank you, buddy. Way to go on those fries, arlene. Well, that about wraps it up here at Lardy's. We just want you to come in and make sure that you get one of our hearty, hard, hard, hard Lardy burgers.
Speaker 3:Uh, I run down with the extra cheese. God damn it.
Speaker 1:It's one of our best spokesmen.
Speaker 3:When you come to Larny's, you'll get nice and full, that's a fact, oh my god, I'm going to have to roll my ass out All right.
Speaker 1:Well, while we get a defibrillator for Monty there, don't forget to talk about the kids' meals. Three quarter pound beef burgers for those kids, I want to eat the kids. Give me the kids meals three quarter pound beef burgers for those kids. Also. Don't forget, you get those lardy lard, lard, freaking toys. We need those toys for the girls and boys. Don't forget, just let us know whether you're a girl or boy. Please let us know, because we don't know whether you're a girl or boy, so we need to know okay, anyway.
Speaker 2:Hey, it's every day with jada j. Thank you for sticking around. Special edition episode. If you didn't realize that by now, then you'll never know one more. I got one more for you and it's it's kind of a doozy.
Speaker 2:As I said earlier in this episode, I can't go a full episode of Songs and Skits Best Of without featuring the two dudes that are the cornerstone of our repertoire, that's Tim and Jerry. I came across this tonight and I laughed my fucking ass off. Number one, the uh, the production values are actually really good. I'm not sure how I pulled this off, but uh. So, like I said earlier in the show, this is, uh, Tim and Jerry getting kidnapped by Jigsaw and unfortunately, Jigsaw just can't get a word in edgewise. And if you know Tim and Jerry, you know those two just say whatever the fuck they want to say. They have no filter, they're just two dudes that just do whatever the fuck they want. Poor Jigsaw just never got a chance to enact his game. So, uh, you're going to hear this and then you're going to come back and then I'm going to wrap things up for this special edition episode of songs and skits. It's every day with John and Jay what the hell am I?
Speaker 1:Jerry, jerry, jerry, wake up, wake up. No, jerry, wake up. Now, joey, where you at, tim, where you at, I did wear in the. Was it a bathroom or something? How's that noise? I don't know.
Speaker 3:Could you be Tim and Jerry? I don't know how are you this evening. No, don't look.
Speaker 1:Oh, the other way over here. Oh, there's a big face up there, Jerry.
Speaker 3:Yes, Tim and Jerry, you're probably wondering why I brought you here.
Speaker 1:I need to clean your bathroom. Never mind the bathroom, is that?
Speaker 3:shit. It's possibly shit, but don't worry about that. You have far.
Speaker 1:Don't take your places and shit. Will you shut up for a minute?
Speaker 3:We have far better and bigger problems to deal with for you, ted and Jerry, for I brought you here, for you are a stain upon society. I have brought you here to eliminate you from all the people you have caused turmoil and hurt and just plain inconvenience to.
Speaker 1:Uh, can you repeat that? Oh my God, I don't understand what he said. Jerry's face is in poop. You got poop in your face, Jerry, hey stop playing in the poop, stop it. It's on my face.
Speaker 3:Listen, I need you two to focus right now.
Speaker 1:Get off my face. Get off my face.
Speaker 3:Is there paper towels over there?
Speaker 1:Tim Hold on a second. Let me look over here, next to the tub.
Speaker 3:Will you two stop playing in the shit, and I need you two to focus on my words on my voice and on my face.
Speaker 1:Jerry, my grandpa drove a Focus. Oh, my grandpa drove a Focus. Oh my God, it was 1992.
Speaker 3:Fuckers, will you shut up, Shut up. You're the rude. You shut up Tim and Jerry.
Speaker 1:I brought you here. It's Tim T-I-M Tim. I don't care.
Speaker 3:Listen, this is what we're going to do. We're going to play a series of games. Do you like games, Tim and Jerry?
Speaker 1:because I hope you do. Is it Mario?
Speaker 3:I like Super Mario no, it's not Super Mario.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know I like Metroid Prime. No, quit trying to guess the game. Quit Stop.
Speaker 3:Stop. Will you two shut the fuck up, thank you. What I have here is a series of traps. As the time runs down, a series of electrical shocks will begin to course through every part of your body your fingers, your toes, including your genitalia.
Speaker 1:Can you repeat that I was thinking about eating my mom's spaghetti? Oh my God, your spaghetti and gallbladder. Jerry, did you ever eat my mom's spaghetti and gallbladder, will you?
Speaker 3:shut up. You have an electric collar strapped to your dick. Okay.
Speaker 1:Those were already there.
Speaker 3:What the fuck? No, it wasn't. I put them there, I took your dick.
Speaker 1:You touched my dick, Joey. He touched our genitals. No, don't focus on that, joey, he touched our dick.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had to put the collars on, because what's going to happen as the time of light's down? You have a series of challenges to face.
Speaker 1:Joey, are you hard? Yeah, I'm a little stiff, oh my god, you are hard.
Speaker 3:What the are you hard? Yeah, I'm hard, steph. Oh, my god, you are hard. What the?
Speaker 1:fuck man, listen when life gives you lemons watch him bro, Watch him bitch. When life gives you lemons, you make squeeze, you squeeze your lemons.
Speaker 3:Okay, we're gonna go to phase two.
Speaker 1:Make creamy cream come out of them. Oh man.
Speaker 3:Okay, so we're gonna go to phase two.
Speaker 1:Make cream come out of them.
Speaker 3:Oh man, okay so we're going to go to phase two. Okay, forget the electric shock. Whose face no face, whose face is this no face? It said no face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, something about a face on there Will you turn?
Speaker 3:No, will you Shut up? God damn it. Listen, Okay. So now what we're going to do is you two are going to have to figure out who gets to survive and who gets released.
Speaker 1:It's a tough choice. He's not released Tim, oh my God. Oh yeah, he gave us a release when he touched our dick. Will you let me finish a goddamn sentence before you two?
Speaker 3:start spouting off your fucking mouth. Now I know why I brought you here and I was rightly justified. I'll tell you what. My God, I've seen what you've been doing to people through the years Just causing turmoil, causing confusion. You have no brains. Are you too like mentally challenged or something.
Speaker 1:Listen, mr TV box face man. Don't care, we are Tom and Jerry, we do what we want, what we want, and we do everything. Fine, you brought us to a bathroom. Now where is the shitter?
Speaker 3:okay, I'll tell you what I can. Just, I can't stand you two and honestly I would rather you just cause havoc in the world than just having to hear your two fucking voices any further. So I got an idea you ready. I'm going to just release you and you get to leave, hooray.
Speaker 1:Sound good. This game sucks, Joey. The game is over. What a lame game we won.
Speaker 3:Yep, you won the game, hooray. Good job, guys. You are number one A-OK. So, get the fuck out of my bathroom.
Speaker 1:Oh man, here we go. I don't know if I want to leave yet or not. I just finally got the poop off my face and I can see things. You can take the shot collars off your dicks.
Speaker 3:I have released them, you can take them off now, so there you go Release them Really. So get the fuck out. I got ten more people to fucking, trap and kill here.
Speaker 1:Joey, I kind of want to keep the shot callers on my desk.
Speaker 3:You can't keep the shot callers. You cannot keep them, then I'm gonna stay. You can't stay. Please do not stay. You cannot stay here. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out now, Joey.
Speaker 1:what do you want Do?
Speaker 3:you want to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to go, because my mom's making shells and cheese.
Speaker 3:Yeah, shells and cheese are good. Now leave. Leave the shot collars behind. Actually, you know what as a memento, you can take those. I don't care anymore, just get the fuck out of my fucking bathroom.
Speaker 1:Fuck a Dario buddy. You're just totally down with keeping the shock collars. I'm yup, I'm good, let's go, jerry, let's go. Let's go home and hook these up to dad's old Plymouth car battery. Oh my God. All right, sounds good, let's go yeah, I can't wait and Cindy can clean up all the mess.
Speaker 3:Yes, clean up the mess, yeah. Get the fuck out. Yeah, because I got like 10 more people to track and kill. So let's go.
Speaker 1:Sunday's gonna get it. Yeah, the TV.
Speaker 3:The TV, yes, the magical TV has told you. Will you stop playing with your dick, get out. The magical TV is telling you to leave now let's go, Tim.
Speaker 1:I don't want to stay around the poop-filled bathroom anymore. Okay, let's go. Let's get the hell out of here.
Speaker 3:Thank God.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Do you want to touch dicks?
Speaker 3:What the fuck did he say?
Speaker 1:Nothing, nothing, no dick touching over here. You just look the other way.
Speaker 3:Mr TV Box, I can't. I'm a TV. I have to look at this.
Speaker 1:Then enjoy the show.
Speaker 3:Oh man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, enjoy the show. Okay, I'll turn myself off. Yeah, enjoy the show there, buddy, I'll turn myself off later.
Speaker 1:Daddy, do you want to leave yet? Nah, I'm good, let's just chill for a little bit. It's nice and cool in here, alright, do you? What do you do with these shock collars? Do you like the shock collars? Yeah, it's pretty cool. I got a purple one. Mine's blue Now let's get the fuck out of here. Joey, it's boring in here. Yeah, let's go. We can go home and eat some shells and cheese at my mom's house. Yeah, boy, I love shells and cheese. Want to make sure I eat some shells and cheese. Want some shells and cheese. Want some sausage and cheese.
Speaker 2:Oh, tim and Jerry, you guys are just full of nothings, are you? So thank you for sticking around. As always, we appreciate everyone who listens. We're vastly approaching 200 episodes. And who would have ever thought we would have got to 200 episodes? Not many podcasts, even last two episodes, let alone 200. Uh, we're, we're still here and we're still excited to keep bringing you the content each and every week. Uh, if you're, if you're still here, along with it, great, if you've been, if you're kind of a newer listener, cool. Uh, shoot us a line if you. If you hear and you like it, tell us. If you hate it, tell us. We want to know. Uh, you could, you could find us in any you know on our website, on our facebook. You could definitely find us there, uh, with that being said, definitely next week, jay will be back and we will continue on this epic saga of it's every day with john and jay. I'm john flying solo this evening. You guys have a good one. See you next week.